The Search For Significance - Introduction (Hans)

"It's a rat race."
We drive to achieve, please everyone and ourselves, compare to everything we don't have and everyone who we wish we were. And it's a crazy cycle downwards from there. It's no wonder life is exhausting. As I read those last couple lines, they seem almost cliche because I've read them in so many books, heard them at even more conferences, and even felt their reality with leadership teams when we go though assessments and team health. But after reading the introduction to the Search for Significance, I'm reflecting on my notes and realizing it's all true. Well at least it is for me. It often feels like a rat race and that my comparisons are real but they need to be transferred to my Creator. He is where I need to find my significance. And to many days that simply is not the case.

It's been a while...

Just wanted to post this piece because today Uncle Steve and I finished leading a group of men and women through Andy Stanley's study "Life Rules". It was a deep, simple and helpful study on restoring or living with broken relationships. We highly recommend it and were really blessed by this! This study was based on the truth that our relationship with others is directly proportionate with our relationship with the Lord. He covered the topics of Forgiveness (we forgive because we are forgiven), acceptance (accepting someone before they become acceptable), service (if you continue to only serve yourself, you will end up all by yourself), encourage (definition: appeal, beg, urge, exhort), submit (when He was on earth, Jesus never pulled rank).

This year I have been introduced to this teacher through the book we have read, and through this class. Now Hans suggested to STeve and I that we check out some podcasts! I have had new and broadened views of Jesus through these things!

Reflections of the Heart (Ch. 5 - Hans)

In chapter five Andy Stanley talks about how we can deceive ourselves if we listen to our heart rather than pay attention to what’s prudent.  “The heart is deceitful above all things.”  (Jer.17:9)  The tendency of the human heart is to turn inwards.  Sure, we think we have a giving spirit and consider the needs of others.  But by default (and too often) I think about myself and my needs first and foremost.

As I reflect on this chapter I realize that my heart deceives me by saying, “take care of yourself so that you can take care of your family.”  While there is some truth here, it’s very easy to live every day starting with me and maybe getting to everyone else. 

How does your heart deceive you?  For me it’s my desire for knowledge.  In college I struggled through my first couple years of classes because chemistry, anthropology and zoology just couldn’t hold my attention.  But when I got into courses on exercise and education, courses which applied to my area of interest, I really started to excel in the classroom.  I became a knowledge junkie.  After two years of loading my brain with useless material, all of a sudden I was learning things that fascinated me and drove me to learn more.  I was learning about how people learn and the science behind exercise and its affect on the body.  Call me a geek – no really, you can call me a geek.  I’ve accepted my identity as a book worm.  But it’s this search for knowledge that allowed me to do well in school and begin to discover my passion in life.

So for me it’s been a struggle for me to take care of myself and my quest for knowledge before I take care of my family.  I'm not an absent father.  I don't isolate myself and leave Katie and Sorin alone.  But if I'm honest with myself, I have a deep inner gravitation towards seeking more knowledge.  Why?  Because I want to provide for my family.  Because I want to be the best I can be.  Because I want to set a good example of a dad who is disciplined and works hard.  Those are good motivations, but I can't let good overtake great.  Great motivations are quality and quantity time with my family.

What I really appreciate about this chapter is the focus on how important it is to reflect on your heart and its motivations in your life.  Stanley readily admits that this chapter is nothing new to anyone.  But I think it is only a very disciplined person who examines his heart and searches for answers to how he organizes his day’s time and priorities.

(Chapter 4) Applying Vision - Hans

Short post today, but I wanted to reflect on chapter four titled "Should've seen that coming." This chapter references Proverbs 27:12 which says,

"The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it."

Andy Stanley describes two situations about looking ahead, the guy who bought the billboard in the middle of the forest and the skipper who knew his weather report. These two accounts are on pages 49-53 in the text.

I'm guessing that I related so well to this chapter because I know I don't do well looking ahead. Honestly speaking Katie is the better visionary for our family. She looks months ahead and starts planning for things with effortless attention to detail.

But I find it interesting how God puts together a series of events to teach you lessons. I haven't picked up the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People lately, but it is a really good read. The last time I was reading it we were learning about planning ahead. Covey recommends planning a week and a month in advance. Most people just plan day-to-day. Do you already do this? Well it was new to me but it became a discipline that made life easier. I'm still working on it but it makes so much sense. The skipper prepared for a 5-day journey by having weather forecasts for all five days (maybe more in case the weather moved in sooner than expected) and he acted on his reports.

What does that look like in my life? For me it's about planning events, activities, and trips for our family. If I sit back and let my weeks and months play out without planning, we won't do anything as a family. I need to constantly be planning for family, work, personal development, budget, and career direction to stay on the right path. We get so easily sidetracked if we don't regularly look at our map.

Chapter 4 (Aunt Sue)

Just finished reading chapter four "Should've Seen That Coming". Quite interesting to read that at age 54:) but one of the clear messages that comes through is ...do the right thing, even when it may not be the easy way. Once again I love the emphasis on choosing a simple Scripture that will give us a focus when difficult decisions come our way. I ask again, does anyone have Scriptures chosen for themselves, their families? Please share in the comments! Uncle Steve and I chose Psalm 40 as "our chapter" when we were first married. This has become more of a prayer to us as the years go on, a guide to praying. But it is amazing how applicable it has been for the path God has us on as we read it each year.

At the end of this chapter, Andy shares a family prayer from Proverbs 27:12
"Lord, help us to see troubles coming long before it gets here. And give us the wisdom to know what to do and the courage to do it."
Wow, that is an important prayer! A prayer that would help us to be aware of the wrong path...like the examples Andy uses of those he knows those who have chosen smoking and are now living with lung cancer, or those who have chosen to live above one's financial means and live with the consequences of debt. Yet there are those other times in life when a loved one suffers from cancer for no apparent choice they made, or you are let go by a company not because of your work choices, but their choices. Those difficult things that happen to us not because of a choice that we have made, but it becomes part of the path we are on. Then what? Well, this is also the time for the above prayer...give us the wisdom to know what to do and the courage to do it...reminds me of

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"

I know I could make some seriously bad choices on how to respond to the difficult times that have surprised me on the path, but by the grace of God...He has awesome "principles" about this too! Trust...wait...pray...love...

How Do I Know I'm On The Wrong Path?

First of all, thanks Hans for setting this up and sorry it's taken me (Matt) so long to put together my first post. I'm looking forward to seeing this grow and develop until the next Family Reunion.

I think the thing that I like the most about the Principle of the Path is its simplicity. Actual direction - not intentions - determines our destination. From an intellectual standpoint thats a pretty easy concept to understand. From a personal reflection standpoint it's also a pretty easy concept to apply to our own situations. So why is it that it is still so hard to admit that we are lost and on the wrong path sometimes where are direction and intentions are not aligned?

I think Andy sums it up perfectly when he talks about the powerful, emotional appeal of the wrong path. As humans not one of us is perfect and so we make flawed decisions, and when we make them we are convinced they are the right one's. I think the biggest lesson that I am taking from the first three chapters is the need to take time to be with God and to ask him to show me the situations where my direction and intention are not aligned. I truly believe that in asking God to show us, he will.

The question then becomes, am I willing to stop. Turn around, and follow the right path, even when it's hard? My prayer for us as a family is that we would be willing, and to encourage each other when being on the right path is hard.

Chapters 4-5

I hope everyone who wrote and read about chapters 1-3 enjoyed the blogging experience.  I've heard through the back-channels that a few other contributors might be posting soon, but I won't mention any names (Brad, Cranney).

So let's move on to the next couple chapters.  Remember, you can always go back and read previous posts.  You can also go back and comment on other posts.  If this happens more and more I can set it up where we get notifications when someone comments on an older post that may have gotten "buried."  You can also feel free to "subscribe to follow-up comments" when you comment on someone's post - look at the very bottom.

So as we start the week where my Robertson Family Fantasy Football team had a 50-point destruction of Justin Olson's "team", let's look ahead to the next chapters of the book.  In the next two weeks let's plan on reading chapters 4-5.  Feel free to post whenever you have time.  If you start writing and can't finish, you can "save draft" and then come back and finish posting later.

Have a great couple weeks.  By the way:  Justin's team had a big loss on Sunday, but the family was still a winner -- Kelly finished the Chicago Marathon!!  Great job Kel.

-- Hans